The Ultimate Key to Weathering All Disappointments in Life

It is very easy to feel down and out when you look at life as a series of outcomes needing to be controlled and hinge your overall happiness on everything unfolding in a particular way.

“If I get this specific job – then I’ll finally be happy.”

“If I do this specific thing – then I’ll be able to realize the future I want.”

As humans, we tend to cling to the things we think we want so tightly, our worlds come crashing down if we don’t get them. This is not only because we believe accomplishing the exact outcomes we desire is the only way to get what we want, but also because our happiness is usually attached to each one’s realization. If our path goes precisely to plan, we’re satisfied. And if it doesn’t, we’re left disillusioned and despondent.

Candidly, I’m writing this post as a means to self-soothe. I just wrapped up my 7th interview for a job that is everything I could ever dream of in both a company and a position. Landing it means the world to me, which is why I’m currently spiraling as I’m not feeling as good as I’d hoped about how that last interview went. Right now, I’m picking apart every single thing I said or didn’t say, the way my interviewer did or didn’t react to my comments, the things she said, the way I answered her questions, the things I asked, the way I responded to her more technical questions. You name it and I’m beating myself up over it, working hard to fight off the intense waves of anxiety that, after making it so far in this process, I f*cked myself.

Put another way, I’m clinging tightly to the outcome of being hired for this exact position by this exact company.

Without realizing it, I’ve developed tunnel vision with respect to what my next career move must be in order to put myself on a very particular professional path. Somewhere along the way I (apparently) adopted the belief that this job is the only job that will allow me to achieve my very specific long-term professional goals, and if I don’t get it, my road to vocational satisfaction will reach a dead-end.

Unfortunately, I’m a part of the majority here in terms of becoming so fixated on one specific outcome. But here’s the thing I want to remind myself and anyone else grappling with similar circumstances: We (we being human beings) actually have quite a limited view of everything – particularly our own lives – and what we think we need is oftentimes not the best or most aligned option for us.

How many times have you wanted something so badly, only to lose it and ultimately find something even better?

The woman who can’t imagine marrying anyone but this man, only to have her heart broken by him and then pieced back together by someone she winds up loving even more.

The high school senior determined to become a Harvard-educated lawyer who’s unexpectedly forced to attend MIT instead, where he accidentally discovers his passion for biology.

The marketing manager that believes she can only reach via the corporate ladder until she’s unexpectedly laid off, leading her to find immense success as an entrepreneur in an entirely new field.

In almost all instances, if what we’re gunning for isn’t what we’re meant for, life will reorient our trajectory in a way that feels less than gentle. The tighter our grip is on the way we believe things should be, the less open we’ll feel toward other avenues and destinations. And the less open we are, the more uncomfortable the process will be to course correct, as positive changes will appear thickly veiled as challenges, disappointments, and dead ends.

I am of the firm belief that whatever’s meant for us will always find us, even if we’re not looking, and that it’s more about our ability to remain open when those things tap us on the shoulder and point us in another direction. Having such a singular focus on one particular result in any situation means turning a blind eye to any and all unseen mystical forces planning on our behalf behind the scenes. Now, said mystical forces will make their plans known regardless of what we’re doing, but things will be a lot less painful if we detach ourselves from any possible outcomes – both the ones we want and the ones we don’t – and go with the flow instead.

In releasing our rigid expectations for how our path needs to play out, we open ourselves up to possibility, which makes life less emotionally challenging and far more exciting. Rather than a stressful series of situations needing to be controlled, it becomes a journey of twists and turns where we’re led by the natural unfolding of events to exactly where we’re meant to be. And oftentimes where we end up is so much better than any future we could’ve imagined on our own.

What I know in my gut but too often forget is that life is about trust. Trusting that everything happens for a reason. Trusting that things work out exactly as they’re meant to. Trusting that we’re all being guided by a mystical force – whether you call it God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Source, or The Universe – toward what is truly aligned for us. Trusting that every twist, turn, diversion, and perceived disappointment is ultimately in our best interest, regardless of appearances.

Having said all of that, however, I also get it. I know how difficult it can be to trust that things are going to be okay when the circumstances we face feel like anything but favorable. But if you can train yourself to detach from all expectations and look forward with the conviction that you’re being divinely led to exactly where you’re meant to be, life will quickly become the sweetest and most supportive thing you’ve ever tasted. Part of having this trust is knowing you can only connect the dots looking backward. But when you eventually get to that wonderful destination and come up for air, you’ll finally connect how each dot – how each perceived let-down – led you to the perfect place at the perfect time to meet the destiny you perhaps never even imagined you’d find. You’ll realize that everything really does happen for a reason, and feel immensely grateful that each and every situation unfolded exactly as it did.

No matter where you are, no matter what’s going on, and no matter how dire things might seem – don’t lose hope. We’re all right where we need to be. The Universe has made sure of it.

All my love.