I had talked about building my own business and ‘creating the life I wanted’ for close to 11 years before I actually did it. While I tried to say the delay was due to different factors, it was ultimately my unwillingness to experience discomfort that stopped me from ever starting. Chances are you’ve probably tried and failed to reach a lofty goal at some point in your life. You’ve likely struggled to understand why you can’t just stick to what you say you’ll do, and felt confused over what it is that always stops you from getting there.  

According to inc.com, 92% of people who set New Year’s Resolutions fail achieve them – meaning only 8% actually manage to succeed. Why do those who fail occupy such an overwhelmingly large percentage? The same reason I waited 11 freaking years to start The Soul Distillery and pursue wellness coaching as a career: Most of us want our comfort zones more than we want our goals.

You’ve probably come up with valid reason after valid reason as to why you can’t go after what you really want and are very talented in the creative excuse department. Well, so am I - and you can’t bullshit a bull-shitter. Whether it’s a lack of time, a lack of energy, a lack of supportive relationships, or a lack of discipline, nothing is truly stopping you and you can reach whatever goal you set out for yourself – you just need to ask yourself how uncomfortable you’re willing to be in order to get there.

So, what exactly are you required to either start or stop doing in order to be inducted into the eXcLuSiVe 8%? I thought you’d never ask.

Stop engaging in relationships that don’t support your goals and growth

It could be a friend who repeatedly tears you down or a partner, spouse, or family member that covertly undermines your success, but whatever the case – any relationships that don’t support you and the person you’re trying to become need to be addressed. But before you go pulling any rip cords, I’d advise starting with an open, honest conversation. Explain to the person (or people) in question exactly what you’re trying to do and why it’s important to you, and then highlight the behavior(s) they continuously exhibit that are screwing with you. People are astonishingly ignorant to the effect they have on others, meaning it’s completely likely they had no idea how they were impacting you and will cut that shit out after you bring it to their attention. If, however, you bring it to their attention and they still refuse to change? It’s time to either distance yourself as much as possible (if cutting ties can’t be a thing) or to let them go entirely.

Start building habits that support your success

If the secret to success is hidden in our daily routine, then you need to take a long, hard look at the things you do (or don’t do) each day that are bringing you closer to, or pushing you away from, achieving your goals.

You want to start your own graphic design business? Amazing. What are you doing each day to get there? Are you practicing design techniques? Building your website? Figuring out the logistical side of being self-employed? No? Why not?

You’re trying to get in better shape? Love it. How’s it going? Are you setting up your environment to eliminate temptations? Committed to a consistent gym routine? Adopting a proper sleep schedule? No? Why not?

You want to find your purpose? Hell yeah. What’s the plan? Are you making the time to define your values? Figuring out your strengths? Doing the personal development work required to home in on your calling? No? Why not? What are you doing instead?

Answering the ‘why not’ here is a crucial because that’s where you’ll find exactly what you need to change. Maybe you have a BAD Netflix habit (which I would truly feel you on) and have a pattern of flipping it on when you get home from work because it’s easy and it’s mindless. Maybe you’re in the habit of sleeping in. Maybe your nightly wind down routine involves relaxing with a little bit of weed. Maybe it involves a glass of pinot. Maybe it involves dessert.

Whatever the case, take an honest look at what you repeatedly do day in and day out, determine which behaviors aren’t supporting your success, and stop that shit. For more on breaking and building habits, I highly recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Start sacrificing instant gratification for long-term gain

UGH. I hate this one because it’s so hard (*sobbing emoji*) - but so critical. It’s especially easy to give into instant gratification if our goals feel far away or we’re in the habit of downplaying those things we love that deter our success. “If I have dessert tonight, I’ll have more motivation to really start my diet tomorrow.” “One more *insert delicious yet unhealthy food here* won’t impact me that much.” “I haven’t seen my friends in forever! I’ll go out for drinks with them tonight but will definitely start building my website tomorrow.” “I work so hard at my job, I deserve to sleep an extra hour today but will wake up early for the gym tomorrow for sure.”

Giving into temptation and forsaking our long-term goals ‘one more day’ is too easy to do and can quickly snowball. One time giving into the thing that feels more comfortable in the moment can quickly snowball into two, then three, then four, and so on, ultimately keeping us stuck where we no longer want to be.

Stop fearing loneliness

After giving all of these shitty relationships, tempting invitations, comfortable habits, and emotionally numbing substances the boot, it’s likely you’ll find yourself feeling quite lonely because you’ll be all out of distractions. It will feel hard because it will feel different - very different. But in order to create different results you need to do different things, whether that’s spending your time on different activities, building different habits, or choosing different relationships. It might very well feel lonely when you first rid yourself of everything that doesn’t serve you, but in doing so you’ll prove to yourself, to others, and to the universe that you’re serious about doing what it takes to succeed. By staying the course even when course totally sucks, you’ll begin aligning with your intended path and attract everything that’s actually correct for who you are and where you’re going. The loneliness that comes without distractions sucks, no doubt about it. But just remember - temporary pain for long-term gain.

Start fighting through fatigue

I can remember how tired and absolutely f*cking drained I used to feel after getting home from work because of both the actual effort I had put in throughout the day, and the emotional energy it took to be in a career I hated. Fatigue is a very real thing…but so are your goals. This is hard to hear let alone accept, but if you really want what you say you want your desire to change your circumstances will be so strong and unrelenting you’ll have no choice but to access the drive and discipline necessary to get shit done. And if you can’t, consider what it is you’re gunning for and how badly you actually want it. Because when you’re fueled by passion and purpose, you’ll find a way to do what needs to be done even when everything inside of you physically, mentally, and emotionally says no.

Kicking back and relaxing is a wonderful thing, but it’s going to cost you your success – and whether or not that’s worth it is up to you.

Start making the time

If it’s important, you’ll make the time. If it’s not, you’ll make an excuse. That’s probably paraphrasing a bit from the official quote, but it’s a good one isn’t it? Add it to the long list of truth bombs I once despised because they forced me to acknowledge the fact that I was both the cause of, and the solution to, all of my problems. We all have the time to do the things we really want or need to do, don’t we? Think about it like this: You’re in the midst of one of the most overwhelmingly busy business quarters of the year and learn a sibling, parent, or spouse is the in the hospital. Do you make the time to see them? YUP. You’re stressed as hell juggling a thousand different things when your pet gets sick and needs emergency care. Do you make the time? If you love them, of course you do. You crash your car and have to deal with the whole clusterfuck that comes with it - do you make the time? Yup - and you don’t even have a choice with this one.

See, we can always “make” the time for the things that really need our attention, which means it’s less about not having enough of it and more about prioritization. You and I both have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé, but Beyoncé doesn’t give in to Netflix binges or invites from friends – she spends her time grinding away doing all the Queen B things that make her such a success. Simply put, we’re all more than capable of reaching success. All we have to do is prioritize it.

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Creating the life you want by pursing big goals is both difficult and terrifying. But the insanely rewarding sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and happiness you feel on the other side of succeeding makes it so worth it. Go into the process knowing that you’re not going to want to do it – that you’re going to be nauseatingly uncomfortable and afraid. That it’s going to be hard. That you’re going to feel unmotivated. That you’re going to experience long periods of loneliness and want to quit a thousand times over. And then push through anyway. Do the hard thing(s) anyway. Summon that inner drive and determination and just. fucking. start. Once you do, you’ll find that getting into a routine that’s supportive of your goals becomes easier the longer you stick to it. The healthy new habits you build will feel increasingly less difficult because they become just that – habits. Choosing productivity over Netflix. Choosing your diet over dessert. Choosing the gym over the snooze button. Choosing web development over drinks with friends. Whatever the case is for you, knocking it out of the park will require your willingness to make sacrifices and be uncomfortable for a period of time. But once you do that? You’ll officially become the conscious creator of your reality rather than the passive observer it, and find yourself on a run-away train to a whole new life hallmarked by alignment, fulfillment, and happiness.

Cheers to crushing goals and skipping dessert (unless it’s cheat day, obvi).

All my love.